I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
