new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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