Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
