i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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