Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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