We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
where am i from again
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
