You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
