I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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