I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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