she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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