just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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