I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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