Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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