Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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