I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
