first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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