Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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