I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is it because I queefed?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
