just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just want nice things and good sex
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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