I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
