Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
