I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
