the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
