True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
