Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
