Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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