Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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