twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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