I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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