i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
