We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
