Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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