Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
