My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
