Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Are we still banned from the library?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
