she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
