I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
NoShamevember. You game?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
