Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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