I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
