How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
