My nipple is on Facebook.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
