What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
