dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
