i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
