Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We left the knife in your bed.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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