if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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