I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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