We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
