Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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