his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
