Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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