oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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