No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
