My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
