Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
