Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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